WorldOfIllusion

To further my attempt of regular posting in yet another attempt to try and actually get some regular traffic and maybe even one or two people that know how to comment; I’m writing this post. Hopefully the random title (which is simply part of a line of a poem by an author english is making me study) will serve this post well. One thing i’ve noticed is over the last 2 or 3 weeks i’ve had around 8 users register accounts on my blog. They all have pretty strange email addresses with gmail and their username is just their email address (without @gmail.com). Not a single one of them has commented so- my conclusion is they must be spam.

The question now is what to do? Here is my manifesto: I will delete these supposedly bogus accounts one by one (that’s one a day) until one of them comments. If none of them comment then they will all be gone *insane laughter here*. Moving on. Do you ever get that feeling like you should have done something that you didn’t or something should have happened and it didn’t? Well they’re kind of two seperate feelings but I tend to experience them at the same time. One is the product partially of my overactive imagination and boredom the other is partially from procrastination and a lack of confidence I guess. Drawing this together I do believe that when I’m not out and about doing things and meeting up with people I don’t cope too well.

It starts a bit of a downward spiral which ends up with me being… a word I can’t quite think of. In the end it leaves me feeling down, melancholy and more. Life seems to look just a little bit grey and dull. To try and combat this I try to distract myself- I sleep in, laze around, play games but in the end it doesn’t really help.

I need human interaction. Something exciting, some drama or scandal to light up the world around me. On that note ill end yet another (and completely humourless) ramble.
Until next time…

You know one problem with this blog is that I’m not entirely free in what I write. You see people who I know read this and hence anything I say isn’t protected by the anonymity of the internet (which isn’t really that anonymous). However i’ve been thinking… so here goes. I’m going to be frank and write freely. Getting to the point i’ve been musing over how some people seem to ‘click’ with the opposite gender. They somehow have this knowledge or comfort with the opposite sex that other don’t, granted most people have this to an extent. Yet i’m talking about those who really have it.

I’m one of the people who doesn’t really have it. Naturally I find it rather intriguing, I can’t help but wonder what it would be like. What gives people this confidence? What is it exactly that makes girls comfortable around a guy and vice versa. Of course this is all from my perspective, so i’m going to stop mentioning the female side of my views… simply cause I don’t have them.

Kind of changing track here, something else that I find ‘intriguing’ are certain people who seem to be full of life. While writing this I have a specific person on my mind but I doubt that she’d ever read this and if they did what of it? You see i’m a quiet, shy, reserved person yet there are these spontaneous, energetic, fast paced people. At this point I wonder again what would it be like to be like that. If I wasn’t this semi reclusive boy who isn’t too great in social situations or making new friends (especially with the opposite gender) and instead I was one of these other people?

In the last few days i’ve had the chance to kind of see a small part of life this way. It looks fun, makes me kind of wish I was like that or had more close friends like that but I don’t really so ah well. Life goes on. Maybe one day I will find myself more like these people that I see, then again maybe I won’t. If you’ve gotten this far… well I hope you don’t think im a sociopath and if you think you’ve been talked about in here well… eh.

Sorry for the wall of text, I really should include some graphics to break up the black and white eyesore. So all of you know… if somehow I have caused offence please realise nothing was meant by it (I don’t see anything really offensive but just in case). As i’ve said in other posts, im really not that weird; i’m just some quiet (slightly desperate… I find it sad that I realise this but seem unable to change it) guy.

You can blame this ramble on study camp… no really.

Now in the interest of keeping this blog alive I’ve decided to write a whole new entry (CPR didn’t work too well). You see I told myself that I’d write more entries during the holidays but at this stage im already over a week in and nothing has been done. That’s procrastination for you.

continue reading…